In the Kitchen

I'm making a few dishes for the First Friday crowd. I hope there's a big turnout, because I'm busting my proverbial balls: I had a shitty day, it's not even close to being over, and while I was typing this sentence, the rice pudding boiled over.
I love being prepared so that everything runs smoothly in the morning, but I sure do hate prepping. It seems to take forever. I look down and suddenly 45 minutes have sped by. Maybe if I didn't spend so much time blogging, I'd get done faster...
I love being back at Tart, but I do remember having these days before. They're inevitable and they suck, and you just have to deal with them.

Big Changes

My "career" as an occasional barista and server has changed dramatically! After nearly five years my old project/business Tart, a small bakery, has been resurrected and is beginning again at Lola Coffee!! I couldn't be happier, more excited, grateful, nervous, busy, etc.
One of the best things about this new transition has been the support and encouragement of my friends; it really helps me feel that what I'm doing is worthwhile. After Tart closed in 2006 due to the chaotic nature of the LUX demented-duo, T&J, I couldn't help feeling that I had failed in a huge way, and felt utterly worthless. It felt terrible to have worked so hard and feel as if the customers were ambivalent about my presence, and subsequent lack thereof...
It has been made clear to me, through the encouragement of friends and Lola regulars, that all the hard work put into Tart wasn't a waste, and that it is worth the while to start it up again.
Thank you!!

Here I sit at Lola Coffee with my netbook and iced americano (the default beverage of all Lola staff members) enjoying a husband, baby, and dog-free moment to myself. It's been a while, and I think I deserve it. I could rant about being an underappreciated mom, but in reality my husband is a great father and never minds watching Ilse; I've just never thought to ask for this favor.

Coincidentally, as I sit in this mid-century vintage white chair, I am also sitting at a cross roads in my life, if you will allow the badly-thought-out symbolism. I've been waiting (and hoping) for this opportunity for years, and now that it's in front of me, I'm having serious second thoughts. I envisioned the choice being so clear and automatic, and even though I'm more prepared than ever, I still have misgivings.

Should I go for it or remain in my easy, stress-free life? Can I rise to the challenge?

When making choices of this magnitude, I sometimes recklessly feel that simply DOING it is the best. I'm young, right? And capable? All I have to do is give it my all and I'll be fine. But I've been burned before, big time. On the other hand, I've been playing it safe for the last five years, and I'm getting restless. Is this the one opportunity I've been looking for?

My squirming gut tells me that it's time to go for it, but thankfully my memory and my mind are urging me to carefully consider each option. Hopefully the choice revealed in my subsequent post will be the first exciting steps in the chronicle of my new life!